Paying to Pray

I don't get a lot of door-to-door evangelists in my neighborhood, but the ones who do show up tend to pick the most inconvenient possible times, usually right in the middle of dinner. The last Mormon "missionaries" who came to my house (a trio rather than the usual pair, for some reason) didn't seem to realize that a polite but pointed "No thanks, I'm not interested" is supposed to signal the end of the conversation. (That's what I read somewhere, anyway...that if you say you're not interested, they're supposed to write "NI" beside your address on their list and leave you alone for a few years.)

To discourage these and other unwelcome types from knocking on my door, I've posted the following sign at eye level:

We charge $10 per minute
to listen to religious, sales,
or political messages.

$50 advance deposit required.
Have cash in hand before knocking
or ringing doorbell.

Do not leave brochures or tracts.
We don't litter on your property;
please show us the same respect.

If you want to try posting this on your own door, feel free. The "don't litter" request doesn't seem to have much effect; I still get fliers for lawn services and suchlike occasionally. Nobody's knocked, though, at least while I've been at home. And if someone does want to pay me to listen to their spiel, I'll let them, once I've got their cash in my hand. Hell yes, I'll take $600 per hour to listen to them babble! My watch has a "stopwatch" feature and I'll make sure they get their 5 minutes worth (or whatever they're willing to pay for), but not a second more. I'll be concentrating on the time, not what they have to say, anyway.